[SATIRE] The Muse’s Guide to Last Minute Spirit Week Outfits (2024)

DISCLAIMER: This article is satirical and should not, in any way, shape, or form be taken seriously — not including the stellar outfit ideas.

Spirit Week is the quintessential Dreyfoos experience —= a week even more important than finals week, some would argue. Year after year, we fill up our Pinterest boards, stock up our Amazon carts, and wait until the perfect day to push checkout. Except sometimes we never do. If you find yourself in this predicament, take it from us, social media editor on The Muse and communications junior Rayven Richards and public relations staffer on The Muse and dance senior Katherine Yang, with our guide to last-minute Spirit Week outfits, made just for you.

Monday, Mar. 11: Holiday Day

Freshmen: 4th of July

Welcome to your first Spirit Week, freshmen! The first day sets the stage for the rest of the week, and you do not want to be caught lacking. Remember, the more, the better. Even if you couldn’t make it to Party City the night before, you can never go wrong with blue jeans, a red or white shirt, and a bandana. Let’s just hope on our lucky stars and stripes that your friends have some extra glitter.

Sophom*ores: Saint Patrick’s Day

Gingers, today is your lucky day. If, like everyone else, you still don’t have an outfit planned, you’re already in character. For the rest of you, put on something green and gold, borrow some clover accessories or green beaded necklaces, and get in that leprechaun spirit.

Juniors: Valentine’s Day

Juniors, this one should be easy. Just rewear your Valentine’s Day outfit! Unless of course,you didn’t have a valentine. If that applies to you, just make sure you’re wearing pink, red, or something with hearts on it. And try not to think too hard back to that sad, sad day last month.

Seniors: New Year’s Day

Seniors, this is your last first Spirit Week day. Even though we can’t spray champagne or watch fireworks on campus, put on your fanciest outfit, preferably something black, gold, or silver and covered in sparkles. Just try to save the sloppy midnight kiss for Jan. 1, for the sake of everyone else.

Tuesday, Mar. 12: Class Clique Day

Freshmen: Nerds

I know you’ve fought this cliche since day one, but today is your day to shine. Pull up those knee-high socks, borrow Grandpa’s glasses, and hope he doesn’t notice the tape wrapped around the bridge. Also we repeat: do not unbutton that top button of your polo.

Sophom*ores: Preps

Hey there, Upper East Siders, it’s time to dress “preppy.” Channel your inner Blair Waldorf or Chuck Bass with those fancy boarding school outfits. Wear your crispest button-downs, straighten those ties, and don’t forget to wrap your best sweater around your shoulders. XOXO, The Muse.

Juniors: Jocks

Let’s not kid ourselves — we’re definitely lacking in the jocks department. But hey, who says you can’t play pretend for a day? Put on your football jerseys and old cheerleading outfits, and call it a day. Let’s see if we can at least pretend to have some team spirit, even if our teams aren’t exactly championship material.

Seniors: Goth

Seniors, this is the day you bring out your inner goth. Some might argue that you’re already halfway there, but now you get a free pass to fully commit. It’s time to bring out the black clothing, fishnet tights, heavy eyeliner, and a touch of dark lipstick. Just try to look as lonely and depressed as possible, not that it’ll be too far off from your everyday look already.

Wednesday, Mar. 13: Generations Day

Freshmen: ’50s

Freshmen, step into the world of “Grease” and rock that classic ’50s style. Break out those leather jackets, tie on those red bandanas, put on those Pink Ladies’ jackets, and bring that retro vibe back to Spirit Week. Whether you’re a Danny Zuko or a Sandy Olsson, show everyone how they did it in the ’‘50s.

Sophom*ores: ’60s

All right, sophom*ores, it’s time to dig out those sunglasses, embrace your curls, and pull up in those colorful bell bottoms and halter tops. If worse comes to worst, there’s always those black crossover flare leggings from Aerie. So bring out the polyester and get your groove on.

Juniors: ’70s

Bring out your inner flower child as you journey back to the swinging ’70s. Embrace those peace signs and channel your inner hippie. And for those of you who mistakenly thought disco was the theme last year — surprise, it’s time to do it again!; right now, it’s all about spreading peace and love. You can never go wrong with tie-dye shirts and round sunglasses.

Seniors: ’80s

It’s finally the day when you get to relive the glory days of the ’80s, or at least attempt to. It’s the same old routine every year: right colors, sweatbands, and windbreakers. And don’t forget those very important shorts over colorful leggings (per SGA regulations). And if you didn’t prepare for this one ahead of time, well, good luck trying to salvage a decent outfit now. Those Amazon shopping carts should’ve been filled ages ago, but hey, who needs preparation?

Thursday, Mar. 14: Music Genre Day

Freshmen: Country

It’s time to embrace your inner cowboy or cowgirl — yeehaw! But for those of you who aren’t feeling the country vibes, no worries, Beyoncé’s got your back. Whether you’re sticking to the traditional cowboy look with flannels, blue jeans, and western boots, or you’re ready to channel your inner Sasha Fierce, with glitter boots and hats, there’s room for everyone at the hoedown.

Sophom*ores: Techno

This one is definitely the most confusing day for you, sophom*ores, but just try not to look like you’re dressing for the ’80s and you’ll be good. Put on your brightest neon colors, gold or silver shorts, and get ready to rave like there’s no tomorrow. Just remember to bring a little bit of the party scene to Spirit Week.

Juniors: Beach Bops

You might be asking yourself what a “beach bop” is. Don’t worry, we don’t know either. What we do know is that today is not your day to catch that tan before spring break. Bikinis and swim trunks are cute until that wardrobe malfunction in math class. Think family vacation: a tank or t-shirt with shorts or a flowy white skirt will do just fine.

Seniors: Y2K

Even though we thought we brought Y2K back, those low-rise jeans could always be lower. And don’t think you’re the new Paris Hilton for wearing a pink Juicy Couture tracksuit either. Remember there were other trends in the early 2000s — jorts, ultra-low rise jeans, backward hats, denim on denim, hair clips, and those small sunglasses that barely cover your eyes should give you the best fit.

Friday, Mar. 15: Pep Rally Day

Freshmen: Blue (Sonic the Hedgehog)

It’s your first pep rally day, freshmen! Assuming you forgot to purchase your Spirit Week shirts — typical — today’s theme is as basic as it gets: blue. Scramble through your closets for anything remotely blue, whether it’s a faded shirt or your mom’s old scarf. Congrats on making it through your first Spirit Week!

Sophom*ores: Green (FIFA)

This one is easy, those Sambas that you bought will fit right in. For the boys, congrats: you get to pretend to be Neymar, Ronaldo, or Messi. As for the outfit, rock any jersey at this point; we don’t have much time or many options. Paint some black stripes on those cheeks and try to include some green, whether it be in your jersey or with a bandana.

Juniors: Red (Mario)

We all know you wanted NBA 2K, but it’s time to embrace reality and choose between Mario and Luigi. For all the junior boys out there, hope puberty comes a little late, and that mustache finally grows in. If not, you could always draw on a mustache and pair it with a red shirt.

Seniors: Black (Just Dance)

We know senioritis might have kicked in, but let’s channel that energy onto the dance floor. Today, it’s all about wearing your best black attire and getting ready to dance like never before. We both know that even if you did rip off a Just Dance routine for your dance, you’ll still walk away with the win anyway. So try to make the last day of your last Spirit Week the best day!