It’s official: Guacamole has ruined us for all other condiments. Mustard, mayo, relish—we used to spread these things across our sandwiches and be happy about it, ignorant fools that we were. But now there’s guac: nature’s unmatchable green gold, soulmate of corn chips, redeemer of bland lunches everywhere.
And, lucky for us, it’s popping up everywhere we turn: This year, Dunkin Donuts and Subway have begun offering the spread. Naturally, it was our duty to sample the many offerings and discover which chain is mashing up the nation’s best. (And also because avocados are about to become prohibitively expensive and we wanted to get while the gettin’s good.) Here, the results of our blind taste test, ranked from worst to best.
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#5: Dunkin’ Donuts
Get going with guacamole! #BaconGuacamoleFlatbread pic.twitter.com/O0l4jKLc31
— Dunkin' Donuts (@DunkinDonuts) April 27, 2015
Ingredients: Hass avocado, tomato, onion, salt, lime juice concentrate, cilantro, jalapeño pepper, garlic, jalapeno powder
The results: Dunk’s last-place finish is a cold stab to the heart for a born New Englander like me, but it was deserved. For now, guac is only included on one sandwich, and when we tasted it on the side, it was too astringent—plus, it’s studded with tomatoes so unpleasantly dense and chewy it’s like they’re halfway to being sun-dried.
#4: Subway
Some things just go together. Like guac and everything. #WhyTheGuacNot pic.twitter.com/BkuzAzgnNw
— SUBWAY® (@SUBWAY) May 15, 2015
Ingredients: Hass avocado, jalapeño puree (white vinegar, jalapeño pepper, salt), onion, garlic, sea salt
The results: Looks like Subway’s guacamole is a spread only Jared could love. Two tasters noted an overwhelming garlic flavor that seemed artificial—but the ingredients list reveals it’s totally real. To others, it “tasted like nothing.” The overly-smooth, almost-watery texture didn’t help things.
#3: Taco Bell
It's National #Guacamole Day! pic.twitter.com/HJDtcl4D
— Taco Bell (@tacobell) September 16, 2012
Ingredients: Avocado, water, tomato, onion, jalapeño, salt, cilantro, lemon juice, ascorbic or erythorbic acid, xanthan gum, sodium alginate
The results: Surprise, surprise: The longtime scourge of clean eaters lands in the middle of the pack—but only by a slim margin. To some tasters, this guac was unoffensive and bland. Others found it almost as bad as Subway’s. “Ugh, like baby food,” one wrote, lamenting its smooth, almost-slimy texture and lack of discernible chopped veggies. “Acidic in a chemical way,” said another. “Very, very bad.”
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#2: Moe’s Southwest Grill
Avocados, tomatoes, and cilantro; freshly mixed daily to make our tasty guacamole! pic.twitter.com/cTNc68WEY9
— Moe's Charlotte (@MoesCharlotte) April 28, 2015
Ingredients: Hass avocados, tomatoes, yellow onions, jalapeño, cilantro, lime juice, salt, garlic powder
The results: One taster gave it a resounding “EW,” but others found this guac palatable. Its brownish-green color was off-putting, but the flavor (heavy on garlic, tomato, and a hint of what tasted like soy sauce) was just fine.
#1: Chipotle
Here's a little something for Cinco de Mayo, and it won't cost you extra. -Joehttps://t.co/E8fbY76zqp
— Chipotle (@ChipotleTweets) May 5, 2015
Ingredients: Hass avocado, red onion, jalapeño, cilantro, citrus juice, Kosher salt
The Results: I waited in line for 20 minutes for this little cup of green creamy goodness, and oh boy, did it deliver. This was our runaway favorite, the only one that tasted “fresh” and “homemade” with a “perfect consistency” and “perfect amount of salt.” The bright green color threw some tasters for a loop, though: It was so vibrant that many wondered if the green was artificial. (Nope, just Chipotle magic.)
